READ: ‘Maleficent’, You Come Out In 2 Years, Get Out!

Yesterday Disney released the FIRST image of Angelina Jolie as Maleficent for Maleficent, a new take on Sleeping Beauty. Not new, but you know, just focusing on the better part of the story, the vilian. Anyways, apparently the paparazzi are hounding the set so before someone bought the rights to those pap pictures (which were released today…) Disney got ahead of them to make sure they wouldn’t sell as much and they wouldn’t be out of an exclusive.

Let’s cut the shit: The cast (Elle Fanning, Jolie, Juno Temple, Sharlto Copely, Sam Riley, and a couple Harry Potter peeps) is great. The re-telling is imaginative and welcomed, and I’m sure, much like Alice & Snow White, that the film will be beautiful. I’m not sure, actually, I know. Why? Because the visual aid/production assistant of both those films, Robert Stromberg, is directing this film…it’s his first film. That’s a lot of trust in someone who only knows visuals (I’m sure he knows more but that isn’t my point). Again, both those films were beautiful but you know what else they were? Dull. As. Shit. Neither were campy or fun when they most certainly should’ve been. So I feel like I’ve already seen this movie before it comes out, you know? These re-tellings of classics fairy tales have no spark, no fun, NO EDGE, no desire, no purpose and thus are not fun. Once Upon A Time, the ABC show, is apparently the only one re-telling fairy tales in a fun and campy way.

But it’s not even that which I have a problem with… I understand Disney’s motives but this movie doesn’t come out UNTIL MARCH, 14, 2014. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR MOVIE! I’m already exhausted by this movie and it’s only been two days of headlines. Imagine by next year (or this Christmas because I wouldn’t put it past them) when we get a teaser, and then a trailer, and etc… I do admire that, unlike those Twilight movies that rush through production to make more money, this film is taking 2 years. I’m sure it’s all for visuals but still, it’s nice to see people take time.

But please, Rob, Disney, Angie… put it away. Don’t be the Jessica Simpson of film.

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