READ: We Need To Talk About ‘The Bourne Legacy’

 

First: I’m not over using We Need To Talk About (fill in the blank) and I don’t think I ever will be and you’re just going to have to do deal with it.

Did you see The Bourne Legacy this weekend? No? Good for you. If you said “YES!” then, let’s talk. Or, let’s comfort each other because I know (judging by the reviews and the current Cinemascore and the amount of tweets about “THE CHEMS” that I am not alone here). I know it feels like I am throwing this movie under the bus (I’m currently going through a Big Brother obsession so bare with the terminology for a bit) after having written about all the positive buzz it was originally receiving (which, in hindsight was not that positive) but…okay, let me put it like this: have you ever been mad AT a movie? annoyed WITH a movie? have you ever wanted to PUNCH a movie in the face? This is how TBL left me feeling. I haven’t felt this way about a movie in a very long time. I almost walked out of it.

Let me make one thing clear: this movie sucks even if it wasn’t a Bourne movie and I’m taking the original 3 out of the picture. Because that’s what I was told to do. I was told, “it doesn’t really feel like a Bourne movie” and I thought, okay that’s what I want to hear. Let this film separate itself from the original franchise, become it’s own franchise with Renner, but still use what made the first 3 work so well to begin with. I mean, it has Bourne in the title, after all. What TBL does is take everything that works so f-cking well in the actual Bourne movies and makes it annoying in here.

Here’s what the worst thing of all, though: it’s so obvious that this film was a cash grab. There is no effort here, there is no passion. This film is a rehash of everything we’d seen in the previous Bourne films but not done well, uninteresting, dumb, incoherent and not fun. Like, at all. Like at one point I was counting the ceiling tiles above me but not out of sheer boredom. Pause: that’s where I’ll defend the film: it’s not that slow like some are saying, it’s not “boring” whatsoever, it’s just dull. There’s a difference. I mean, things are happening for all 2 painstakingly long hours, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t care about THE CHEMS, I didn’t care about Renner’s ratchet version of Jason Bourne, I didn’t care about anything that was happening. Why? Because it was so obvious this film was made just to keep us warm. This film was made for one reason and one reason only: to hold the audience over until Matt Damon is ready to make another. So, essentially, this movie is pointless. And that’s why I can’t overlook these flaws. I simply can’t. I can’t overlook being taken for a fool with The Bourne Legacy. 

But at the core, you know what is most noticeable? Damon’s energy. Sure, you can argue he’s a bit of a one note actor, but man, Renner just sucks the wind out of everything he’s given. I’m sorry, I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all and I don’t want to get him. Why are we trying to make Jeremy Renner happen? No thanks. Matt Damon brings so much energy and passion to every single character he has played (I can say this because I sat through We Bought A Zoo and he was the only good thing about that film) and it’s so noticeable when it’s not there.

And thats what it comes down to. Earlier this summer Prometheus was released and everyone pretty much took a dump on it, then sat on it with their bare behinds and flushed it down the toilet. You didn’t have to like Prometheus and I completely understand if you didn’t, trust me (I loved it, for the record) but there was passion there. There was ambition. It may have failed (for you), it may have been incoherent or nonsensical (for you) but I was able to sit there and enjoy it and marvel at the story layed before me, the epic visuals at hand, the proficiency of it all. And why? Because I felt like the writers and the director actually gave a shit. No one gave a shit with The Bourne Legacy. No one.

I want to forget this movie was ever made.

 

 

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